7 Essential Steps Single Mums Must Take To Get Relationship Ready.
Getting back into dating as a single mum usually goes one of two ways - either people tend to find a rebound, or they feel so scarred they think they will never date again. Entering the dating world is scary when you have children, as you're probably very conscious that what you do will impact on them too. But it’s also an exciting time! Remember that as long as you’re happy, then you're kids will be happy too. And it's great for them to see you role model a positive relationship to them.
But it is important to make sure that you are relationship ready prior to putting yourself out there.
Here are 7 essential steps to take to get relationship ready as a single mum.
1. Deal with any grief.
The stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - are all involved in a relationship break-up. Sometimes the grieving process begins while a relationship still exists. For me it did. I grieved about the relationship ending and the shattering of my dream of a perfect happy family life, a long time before the relationship actually ended.
In the early stages of recovery, distraction can be good. But in the long run, the longer we distract ourselves from the pain, the longer it takes us to heal and move on with our lives. Allowing yourself to sit with the pain and embracing it will allow you to heal. Give yourself the time to grieve before jumping into any new relationship. Because if not, it’ll come back to haunt you when you least expect it.
2. Change your mindset.
If you work on having a positive mindset you are going to be in a much better head space to enter a new relationship. I also really believe that we attract what we give out. If you are a positive person, you will attract the same positivity in a partner. If you see yourself as a victim in life, that is what you are going to get back from the universe.
Something that can help to improve your mindset is realising that we all have a choice. It is our choice to be happy. You may have experienced bad things and feel sadness, but how you respond through self-talk is up to you.
3. Find yourself.
A break-up is the perfect opportunity to find the real you, to start a new chapter in your life, and to create any future you want. So many women lose themselves in relationships, and you have to get back to being YOU before getting into a new one.
Ask yourself: What do I love to do? What makes me happy? What makes me feel good? What are my strengths? What do I believe in? Re-start those hobbies you haven't done in years, or find some new ones. Get yourself out there, try out some new activities, set some new goals and talk to new people. The more in-tune you are with yourself, and the more you feel good about knowing who you are, the more relationship ready you will be. You can get your FREE Guide to help you with this right HERE.
4. Know your worth.
Not until you feel fantastic about yourself are you ready to give your all to a relationship. What you put out, is what you attract. And you want to attract someone amazing who is happy and confident within themselves.
Many women feel like their single mum status is shameful or that others will think they have "baggage". But you know what? Most people who are over 25 do have some sort of "baggage", and if you meet a man over the age of 35 that doesn't think they have baggage, well the likely scenario is that THEY are the baggage. You have a child! So what! That doesn't make you any less of a person than someone who doesn't have children. And if someone is making you feel bad, or ashamed that you have a child, then they are not the right person for you. The right person should love you AND your children and understand and accept that you come as a package.
Embrace the person you are and learn to love yourself.
5. Stop negative thoughts.
Thoughts like I’m going to be alone forever or I’m never going to find the right one or All men are bad are not helpful. And what they actually do is create negative energy, enabling you to find evidence to back up these negative thoughts in your head. Remember what you put in is what you get out. If you feel ready, positive, open, and deserving to find love (with someone right for you), you will attract someone like that to you.
6. Let go of past relationships.
If you are struggling with letting go of your last relationship, realising that there are different types of love can help. You should always treasure the one that you had if it was a big love. Hold it sacred and know that maybe it just ran its course or wasn't right for you or you weren’t right for each other.
I like to think of life as a train journey. People may get on at various stops and other people may get off. Some people are with us for the entire journey and some people aren't. Sometimes we need to get off the train and take a different train to somewhere else. We never know where our train journey is going to take us. So maybe they got off the train and were only with you for the time that was supposed to be, or maybe it was time for you to get off the train and go somewhere new? But realise that there will be another love for you.
7. Know what you want in a partner.
Be very clear on what you want in a partner. Everyone has different criteria for this but the main things I think you should look for are: firstly, someone who is a good role model for your child. They might end up having quite a substantial role in your child’s life, so you really want to make sure that they are going to have a positive impact on your child’s life. Being with someone who likes kids is also important. Thirdly, you want someone who shares common values. It’s fine to not agree on everything, but work out what is essential to you, and what is a nice to have. Some things to consider are: views on parenting styles, money habits, education, and family values.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Getting back into the dating game does take time and the most important thing is to get yourself in the right head space and having the right mindset. You don’t want to be in a relationship to fill a void. A relationship should be the icing on your already amazing life.
If you're ready to get out there and start dating, download the FREE guide below to get you ready for those first dates in the online dating world. Good luck! X
DID YOU KNOW?
The Single Mother Survival Guide online course is launching shortly! This is something that I REALLY wished had been available to me when I became a single mum. I am super dooper excited about this! It gives mums the tools that they need to get life back on track and to feeling empowered in a really supportive environment.
If you’d like to register your interest for one of the online courses, please fill out the form below.
Or find other ways I can help you here.
Product - The Ultimate Guide to Getting Relationship Ready for Single Mothers (e-book)
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This Ultimate Guide on how to get relationship ready for Single Mothers includes all the guidance you need to get yourself in the right head space to find everlasting love. For a limited time only, when you purchase the e-book you will receive a free audio version (with added extras) so you can listen on the go!
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