Is it possible for separated parents to be amicable?
A couple of weeks ago I caught up with a friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years. Since his wedding actually. We were best friends when we were in high school. He was my Dawson, except he didn’t live next door, and he went to a different school. But we would chat for hours every night on the phone, and would often catch up for coffee after school. He dated one of my best girl friends from school, but that fizzled out after a couple of months. But our friendship always remained.
After his wedding, we just lost touch. I guess life just pulled us into different directions. He had two kids not long after that, and I was living carefree, and working in the mines.
I was super excited when he got in touch with me a month ago, and a couple of weeks ago we finally got to have our reunion.
It was great to see him after so long, and once I got over his loss of hair, we got down to catching up.
I was shocked to hear about his separation from his wife. But I was even more shocked about his attitude to it all, and how he and his ex were managing the situation.
It was beautiful, and clearly the complete opposite to my experience.
He has such a deep respect for his ex, as the mother of his children. Sure he complained about her a little, and told me a couple of not so nice things, but he also made it very clear that although he was saying these things, and certain things had happened that may have led to their break up, she was a good person. He too had played a pretty major part in the relationship ending, and he was very honest about that too.
I was amazed to hear how amicable the separation was. Yes they had lawyers involved, but it was more of a formality really. And the lawyers only helped them divide their financial assets.
They have no parenting plan in place, and are very accommodating to each other depending on what’s happening from week to week. He is happy to have his children just on the weekends, because he doesn’t want to mess with their routine and take them away from their family home for more time than that.
He only cares about what is in their best interest. This also means he is paying A LOT of child support. He WANTS to pay a huge amount because he doesn’t want THEIR life to change as a result of the separation. He pays more than I’ve ever heard of (except for maybe some celebrities). And he is more than happy to do that.
He doesn’t want to reunite with his ex, and for her also, the relationship is well and truly over. But the way he is handling the whole situation, with grace and generosity, blew me away.
Another friend of mine, is also a perfect example. She has been divorced for over 5 years now. It is not uncommon for me to drop by her place, and see her ex husband there putting IKEA furniture together, or standing in the kitchen doing dishes. They even go on holidays together!
HOW DO I GET AN EX LIKE THAT? (You can read my recent experiences with my ex here).
Even though they drive each other nuts, and the relationship is well and truly over, he helps her as much as he can, they communicate well, and they treat each other with kindness and respect.
So is it possible for separated parents to be amicable?
IT IS possible to have an amicable relationship with your ex, and it’s beautiful and inspiring to see.