Six ways to find your identity again as a single mum.
A break-up is the perfect opportunity to find the real you, to start a new chapter in your life, and to create any future you want. Now is the time to get back to finding YOU. It is so common to lose yourself in a relationship, so rather than dwelling on the negative aspects, take this as an opportunity to find your identity again as a single mum. The you who has dreams, who has fun, who is inspired, and who is motivated. The you who is confident, the you who is a great role model for your children.
So how do you find your identity as a single mum?
Please remember that this is a PROCESS. It is not going to happen overnight. And it’s not going to happen on its own either. YOU are the one who needs to put in the work and be active in making it happen.
Here are some steps to get you started.
1. Ask yourself the big questions.
Ask yourself: What do I love to do? What makes me happy? What makes me feel good? Don’t hold back, get all your ideas down on paper. Have a think about what you loved to do before you had kids and before your relationship with your ex even started. If those things don’t float your boat anymore, jot down all the things you would like to try. Go crazy! Think BIG!
Then, think about the people that you like to spend time with, the people who lift you up and make you happy. Think about what you like to read. What do you want to learn? What do you want to eat more of? Get it all down on paper. Think of it as a happiness board of inspiration.
2. Get Active.
Once you have all those ideas down, start putting them into practice. Pick something you can do straight away. Perhaps it’s picking up that paintbrush again, or joining a gym. Maybe it’s training for a marathon or enrolling in a weekly netball class. Maybe it’s starting a new book or calling a friend you haven’t spoken to in a few months or years. Re-discover an activity you used to love that isn’t “mum”-related. Re-start those hobbies you haven’t done in years, or get started with some new ones. Get yourself out there, try out some new activities and talk to new people. If you’re in Sydney, you can even join the Single Mother Survival Guide City2Surf Team AND raise money for a great cause in the process.
Do something that makes you feel like the person you used to be before.
3. Make a List.
List all your strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, and values. Dig deep, gain a good understanding of who you are and what you believe in, and then be true to that. Gone are the days of trying to impress other people or making other people happy. Now is the time to focus on you and your happiness. Be kind to yourself, love yourself and get to know yourself again.
4. Re-connect with Family and Friends.
Re-connect with your family and friends. They may have become a lower priority, and reconnecting with your loved ones and opening up to them is going to help you move forward. You can use them as a sounding board, and they can be a great support at this time.
5. Look After Yourself.
Self-care is vital for finding yourself. Having ‘me’ time reboots our brains, hence assisting our mental well-being, helps us unwind (and de-stress), improves our concentration and problem-solving abilities, makes us more productive, allows us to re-discover ourselves, gives us time to think deeply and uninterrupted, and allows us to sit with our feelings without distraction rather than avoiding them – which is essential to our healing process. Having ‘me’ time is going to give you the quiet time you need to deal with your emotions, gain clarity, re-focus and plan your next moves, and think about and set your goals. In order to change our lives for the better, it is vital to take ‘me’ time, to have quiet and calm, and think about how we can achieve this, and take the steps to carry it out.
6. Set Goals.
A good method to putting yourself on track and feeling good about yourself is working out a tangible goal, or goals. For most people, having kids puts their own goals on the back burner for a while. But a relationship break up is the BEST TIME to work out what it is that you want in your life! And you know what? It’s going to make you – and your child – HAPPIER!!
I’m going to expand on goal setting in an upcoming blog post, so stay tuned for that. In the mean time, get started on your happiness board of inspiration and start putting some ideas into practice.
P.S DID YOU KNOW?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are a good fit to work together.
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