Why I crashed my car yesterday.
Yesterday I was so upset and agitated, I accidentally crashed my car into another car.
We’ve just had a long weekend here in Sydney, and to say that it was stressful is an understatement. Of course there were good parts too, but my four year old daughter has been so challenging lately, that let’s just say I was glad she was back at day care yesterday. I know, sounds awful doesn’t it? By the way, I’m taking votes for mother of the year – just click this link.
Kidding! (But I would love your vote for the Mummy Blog Awards 2017 that I have just been nominated for).
My daughter is very willful. It’s a trait I’m equally frustrated about and proud of.
Shy is not a word I’d use to describe her. She is quite similar to me in that she does speak her mind. If she doesn’t want to do something, well she’s just not going to do it. She will ask for what she wants and will try pretty much anything to get it.
At times it has its advantages. On our way back from our trip away for the long weekend, we stopped for dinner. I was in desperate need of a bottle of wine, and luckily the guy I am seeing was feeling the same. Spotting some oranges that were being used as decorations on the bar, my daughter decided she wanted them. She NEEDED them. After telling her they were not on the menu for desert, she took matters into her own hands. Before I knew it she had left the table, liaised with our waitress and organised some cut up oranges for our party of five.
I am proud of the woman that I know she will grow up to be. But at the same time, it is sometimes very challenging being the full time sole parent of such an opinionated, willful and determined little lady. God, help me when she is a teenager. By yesterday morning I couldn’t get her to day care fast enough.
Our morning started just like any other of late – her ignoring pretty much everything I said, full of attitude, rolling her eyes at me, and thinking she is the boss.
She is not like this ALL THE TIME but I know she has been struggling since her experience in Perth. It is always extra difficult for a period of time after a visit with her dad.
So there we were driving along, my daughter full of attitude and cheek, and me at breaking point. I cried with frustration. I felt at a complete loss with what to do. She has been saying some awful and saddening things lately that I can only assume have come out of her recent visit with her dad.
I felt resentment towards her dad for his lack of involvement, even though I know it was my decision to move to the other side of the country. I felt anger at myself for losing my shit all weekend and throwing away half of her favorite toys. I felt sad for my daughter that at such a young age she has had to deal with such an awful family dynamic.
Then… because of my crying, anger, frustration, and complete distraction, I crashed into the car in front of me. What a morning!
Out of the car I had crashed into, came the two sweetest young men I could have hit. Not phased at all, they were more concerned about the state I was in than anything else. They wouldn’t even allow me to give them my details, even though I dented their car and smashed one of their lights. They were more concerned for the woman standing in front of them who had burst into tears and was losing her mind. They told me to drop my daughter off wherever I was heading to, and look after me. Truthfully, I never expected such kindness from two young men. Who knows what a barrage of abuse would have done to my mental state at that point? And thankfully everyone was okay.
When I dropped my daughter off at day care she told me that she was going to be very very good when I picked her up. She also said that I should be careful driving home, and to try not to crash the car again. Thank you darling daughter.
But these guys did have a point. Sometimes when you’re running on empty, you have to be selfish and look after yourself. So that’s what I did yesterday. I went home (via a panel beater to assess the damage) and did NOTHING. Apart from having to probably pay $500 to fix my lights, and a sore back, nothing has been lost. It was a lesson and a bit of a reality check really.
Being a parent is hard. Being a single parent can at times be double as hard. Not only are we often the only ones doing EVERYTHING, we often have a lot more other challenges to face too – worrying about how being a single parent affects our children, and often navigating a difficult relationship with our ex are two examples of things that keep us up at night. Well for me lately anyway.
Sometimes we need to take some time out, recharge and do what we need to do to fill up our own tanks. And sometimes I just need to say no to things. Personally, I have had a difficult couple of months and have been feeling quite anxious. I haven’t focused enough on relaxing and taking some time out for me.
I need to put into practice the advice I so often give other single mums – make sure I am having enough me time. So tonight, it’ll be a glass or two of red wine and a bath for me. What are you doing to look after yourself?
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