In my early days of becoming a single mum, I had a lot of fear about dating. For the first year, I thought Who would want to date ME? I certainly didn’t think I was girlfriend material. Looking back, I most definitely undervalued myself as a person and what I could bring to a relationship. But what I found through my dating journey was that being a single mum really wasn’t a negative thing. Over the years, I have asked around, and I found that most guys are pretty understanding about single mums. In fact, to most men I’ve spoken with, having kids from a previous relationship is not really a big deal at all. The biggest challenge they saw was that single mums had less time, and it was harder to be spontaneous. One man added “And knowing there is a little person that comes first. But these are pretty easy to manage.”
So let’s hear it from the male perspective. What are some great reasons to date a single mum?
1. They have life experience.
“Little things tend not to get blown out of proportion,” said one man. “Single mums at some stage or another, have done it pretty rough. And some are still going through that experience. This just breeds character and makes them more resilient. Which is good.”
2. They don’t play games.
There’s no playing games for the single mum. Most single mums will lay their cards out on the table. One man pointed out: “If they don’t like you, you’ll know. They don’t waste time because they’d rather spend time with their kids and the people they care about.” As for me, I can totally relate to that! I was always quite upfront on dates. If I didn’t see a future with someone, or just wasn’t feeling it, I’d let them know. Because there was so little time, and it was very precious to me. And if I did like someone I’d also let them know. I just wasn’t going to waste my time, because, frankly, I’d rather spend time with my daughter or with people I knew and liked, rather than going on dates with people who were not that nice or a bit strange. And according to one man, that “makes things a lot more comfortable because you know where you stand.”
3. They are mature.
Single mums often display a level of maturity and responsibility that can be attractive to many men. They have experience in managing a household and raising children, often while working, and don’t sweat the small stuff, which can lead to a more balanced and stable relationship. According to one man, “I think that a lot of the things you are as a single parent, I think either instill or develop really good qualities of a partner; you don’t have time to sweat, the small stuff.”
3. They provide a vision of the future.
“You’ll have a pretty good idea of what your future family looks like when you see how she is with her kids. When things get serious, you start thinking about having potential children with that person, so seeing how she is as a parent gives you a pretty good idea of what your future family will be like and how she will take care of your future kids” said one man. Another said “so obviously, it’s a test run, you can see exactly how they are as a mum. So you run through a sort of mental checklist of how they would interact with your child.” Single mums are often family-oriented and value the importance of building a strong and loving family unit. This can create a sense of shared values in the relationship.
4. They are empathetic.
Single mums have empathy and understanding for the challenges of parenting, which “can make them more compassionate and supportive partners if you have kids too”, said one man. “But I don’t have any kids. But I was interested in this woman. And no, it really wasn’t really a big deal.” Single mums usually have a deep capacity for love and care, both for their children and their partners. They understand the importance of love and support in a relationship.
5. It depends on the individual as a woman – kids or no kids
“Well, I think to a large extent, it depends on the actual person”, said one man. It seemed most men weren’t on a specific mission to find a single mum to date, but understood that “life happens” and it wasn’t a deterrent in any way, in fact, there are some “great things about dating a mum, but it’s about the individual, mum or not.”
6. They are independent.
Single mums often have a sense of independence, as they have learned to take care of themselves and their children. Got an IKEA set to put together? She can do it. This self-reliance can be appealing to men who value an equal and interdependent relationship.
7. They want stability.
Single mums often seek stability in their lives, which can lead to a more committed and reliable partnership. Some are less likely to engage in casual dating. “It works if you’re a guy who wants to have a family.”
8. They have a strong work ethic.
Many single mums juggle multiple responsibilities, including work and childcare. This work ethic and determination can be admirable qualities in a partner.
9. They make the most of your time together.
Because they often lack time, “they really make the most of the time they spend with you, and it’s something to look forward to” said one man. Single mums tend to be good at prioritising their time and energy. They understand the importance of making time for their partner and can be appreciative of the moments spent together.
So there you have it ladies. Being a single mum has no impact on your date-worthiness, and in fact, there are many positive qualities we have that many people would line up for. So get yourself out there and give it a go!
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again soon. Join the waitlist here.
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