Birthday parties are meant to be fun, right? Balloons, cake, games, happy kids… easy. But throw your ex into the mix, and suddenly that “two-hour celebration” feels more like an Olympic endurance event you are DREADING.
If you’re a single mum navigating co-parenting, chances are you’ll eventually face the joint birthday party. And while it might sound daunting (and let’s be honest, sometimes it is), it can be done without tears, tantrums, or one of you hiding in the bathroom.
I have had to do this twice during my daughter’s lifetime – her first birthday party, which we co-hosted, and it went surprisingly well considering our relationship. And her 6th birthday, which I invited my ex to.
Here are my top tips to survive hosting a kids’ party with your ex – and maybe even enjoy it.
1. Focus on the Guest of Honour
This is the golden rule. The day isn’t about you, your ex, or who brings the best gift; it’s about your child. It’s very easy to get caught up in worrying about your ex being there, feeling uncomfortable, and being highly aware of everyone’s eyes on you and your ex, especially if they know the dynamic. But keeping the focus on your child’s happiness can make it easier to let the small (or bigger) annoyances slide.
2. Plan Ahead (and Communicate, Even If It’s Brief)
I know… communication might not be your favourite thing with your ex. But even a short, business-like chat about timing, guest list, and who’s bringing the cake can prevent chaos on the day. Keep it practical, keep it short, and keep it child-focused.
3. Divide and Conquer
If you can, split responsibilities. Maybe you handle decorations while your ex organises the food. Or you’re in charge of the games, and they’re in charge of goodie bags. That way, neither of you is stepping on the other’s toes.
4. Keep It Neutral
If possible, host the party at a neutral venue – like a park, play centre, or community hall. This takes away any “home turf advantage” and makes it easier for you both to coexist without added tension.
5. Practice Your Poker Face
Your ex is late? They brought their new partner? They forgot the extra juice boxes? Breathe. Keep calm. Channel your inner poker champion. The goal is not to let the kids (or the guests) sense tension. Smile, nod, move on.
6. Set Boundaries Around Extended Family
Sometimes it’s not just the ex – it’s their parents, siblings, new partner, or new partner’s kids. Decide beforehand who’s invited and make sure everyone knows the ground rules. A birthday party should not feel like a surprise family reunion.
7. Exit Gracefully
Once the cake is cut, the candles are blown out, and the presents are opened, you’ve done your job. Don’t feel like you need to linger longer than necessary. A polite goodbye is more than enough.
8. Celebrate Yourself Afterwards
You just survived hosting a kids’ party with your ex. That deserves a medal. Or at the very least, a glass of wine, a bubble bath, or a celebratory Uber Eats once the kids are in bed.
Hosting a kids’ party with your ex isn’t always easy, but it is possible. By using these tips, you can get through it without a meltdown (from you OR the kids).
And remember, your child won’t remember the awkwardness between the adults. They’ll remember the cake, the games, and the feeling of being celebrated. That’s what really matters.
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
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