Navigating life as a single mum can feel overwhelming at times, but it also presents unique opportunities for growth, strength, and empowerment. These lessons, drawn from real experiences, aim to inspire and encourage single mothers to embrace their journey with confidence.
1. Accept the Situation
Acceptance is a crucial step in moving forward. Most of us didn’t plan to be single mums – it wasn’t part of the life dream. I know I resisted my situation for a long time. I didn’t think I would ever be in a position where I would be a single mum. I clung to the idea of a traditional family and fought against my reality, thinking, “This is not how my life is supposed to be. Why is this happening to me? This is so unfair!”
But the moment I stopped resisting and accepted my new reality, I began to shed the shame and fear. Acceptance allowed me to redirect my energy toward building the life I wanted for myself and my daughter. When you accept the situation, you stop asking, “Why me?” and start asking, “What’s next?”
Don’t live with a victim mentality. You might initially feel sorry for yourself, and that’s normal. But don’t let yourself carry this for too long and let this be your new way of life. How you react and respond to things is a choice, you don’t let it define you. Embrace this chapter as an opportunity for growth and focus on the positives that come with your new path.
The moment you accept that it is what it is, you can put energy and effort into working out how to move forward.
2. Stop Worrying About What Others Think
Letting go of others’ opinions is easier said than done, but it’s a game-changer. Early on, I felt shame and worried that people would look down on me and judge me. I worried people might think I was unworthy of being a mum or that I’d somehow failed. Now that I look back, it’s laughable. But at that time, I was very vulnerable.
But when I surrounded myself with other single mums, I realised how strong and inspiring they were. It gave me the realisation that It takes a very strong woman to remove herself from a toxic relationship, and incredible strength to overcome a relationship breakdown. I saw the strength in these women and all the amazing qualities that came out of them being single mums. And then I started to feel pretty honoured to be in the single mum club and really, actually quite proud. They helped me see that I, too, belonged to this incredible club of resilient women. I stopped caring what others thought. I realised we’re actually all freakin’ amazing.
And now I got to the point where I couldn’t care less really what people thought of my relationship status. I know my story. My daughter is happy, she’s thriving, she’s healthy. And that is what’s important.
Your worth isn’t determined by your relationship status. If your children are happy, thriving, and healthy, that’s what truly matters.
3. Lower Your Expectations
Being a single mum often means juggling more responsibilities than one person can handle. It’s important to lower your expectations and be kind to yourself.
Being a single mum is a one-woman show. And you can’t do all the things at once. It is very challenging to do all the things and everything at home and earn some money. The sooner you learn to sort of lower the expectations for yourself, the lighter you’re going to feel and the less guilt you’re going to feel.
Your kids might have cereal for dinner some nights because you’re too tired to cook – and that’s okay. Your house might not be spotless, and your finances might not stretch to every extracurricular activity – but that’s okay, too.
Children adapt to their “normal.” What matters most is that they feel loved, supported, and safe. Don’t burden yourself with unrealistic expectations. Instead, focus on creating a happy, stable environment.
4. Know That You Don’t Have Baggage
When you’re ready to date again, avoid the mindset that having kids is a burden or “baggage.” Having children is a beautiful part of your life, not a problem to be ashamed of.
I don’t really like the term baggage, because it implies that you have past negative problems that you’re bringing into a relationship. Anyone worth dating will respect and embrace the fact that you’re a package deal. If someone makes you feel bad about your kids, they’re simply not the right person for you. You and your children are a blessing, not baggage.
If someone is making you feel bad or ashamed that you have a child, they are not the right person for you.
5. Ask for Help
We get through it most days but it can be a hell of a lot easier if we ask for help from time to time. You don’t have to do it all alone. You don’t always have to pretend that everything is ok. We are just people trying our best. Sometimes we struggle. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. Whether it’s emotional support, practical help, or just a friend to talk to, reaching out can lighten your load.
Sometimes, people want to help but don’t know how. Be clear and specific about your needs – whether it’s asking a family member to babysit or seeking advice from a trusted friend. Support networks can make all the difference.
6. Meet Other Single Mums
Connecting with other single mums can be so powerful and transformative. No one understands the challenges and triumphs of single motherhood better than someone living it.
Meeting other single mums has so many benefits. Not only can you find emotional and practical support, but you’ll also experience a mindset shift. Seeing how incredible other single mums are will help you see the strength and resilience within yourself.
That’s why I created Thrive Tribe, a membership community for single mums. It’s a space where single mums can connect, support each other, and celebrate their unique journeys. Give it a try – you’ll be amazed by the difference it can make.
7. Make Time for Yourself
Many single mums feel guilty about taking time for themselves, including me many years ago! As single mums, we can feel so much guilt about a whole range of things – we might feel guilty that our kids don’t have their parents who are together, and we might feel guilty that they live in a different house. Or we might feel guilty that we haven’t been able to take them on a holiday, or we might feel guilty that they have to go to daycare, after-school care, or vacation care. There’s an endless list of things that we can feel guilty for. So the thought of taking a few hours to do something nice for ourselves can seem out of the question. It was really quite a shocking thought to me.
But self-care is essential. The truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Being a single mum is hard work, and you deserve moments to refresh and reset.
When you take time to recharge – whether it’s a few hours to relax, pursue a hobby, or simply enjoy some peace – you come back to your children renewed, energised, and more patient. And with a bit of a clearer and fresher approach and perspective, we’re better mothers. So I highly recommend that you do that. It’s not just okay to prioritise yourself – it’s necessary.
Final Thoughts
Single motherhood comes with its share of challenges, but it’s also an opportunity to grow, learn, and thrive. By accepting your reality, letting go of external pressures, and prioritising your well-being, you can create a fulfilling and joyful life for yourself and your children.
You’re not just surviving – you’re thriving. 💖
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
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