Let’s be honest – sometimes the word “co-parenting” feels a bit… optimistic. If your ex is charming one minute and infuriating the next, you might feel like you’re walking a tightrope just to keep things civil.
And while some people’s exes turn into respectful, supportive co-parents, for others? Well, let’s just say the “jerk” label feels more accurate 😐
So how do you keep your sanity, protect your kids, and maybe even get to a point where you can have a normal conversation without wanting to throw your phone across the room?
Here are 10 tips on how to get along with your jerk of an ex, without losing your sanity in the process.
1. Accept that you can’t change them
This is the hard truth: you cannot “nice” them into being a better person. You can only control your own actions, boundaries, and reactions. The sooner you stop expecting them to behave differently, the less disappointment and frustration you’ll feel. My ex, for example, was horrible to me initially, and I would cry almost daily. I’d get myself so worked up about a text that it would get me down for the entire day. Sometimes even longer! And now? He still isn’t nice to me, BUT I have changed how I react – and that keeps me sane.
2. Treat it like a business relationship
Remove the emotional baggage from your conversations. Think of it like you’re emailing a colleague you don’t particularly like but still have to work with. Keep it polite, brief, and professional. No oversharing, no personal jabs, no bringing up the past, no opening the door to unnecessary drama.
3. Communicate in writing
Texts and emails create a paper trail. This not only keeps things clear but also protects you if disagreements escalate. Plus, written communication gives you time to pause before responding – preventing those “I wish I hadn’t said that” moments. If you’re feeling emotionally reactive after a text or email, put the phone down. Don’t react and write back straight away, as tempting as it can be. Take a pause (for a few hours if necessary) until you are feeling clearer and less affected.
4. Pick your battles
Not every hill is worth dying on. Ask yourself: Will this matter in six months? Will it impact the kids? If not, let it go (insert Frozen-themed music). You’ll save your energy for the things that actually matter. Trust me, there are enough battles as it is.
5. Keep conversations kid-focused
When things get tense, bring it back to the shared priority: your children. If the discussion starts to drift into personal territory or old arguments, steer it back to what’s best for them. There’s no need to discuss anything else except for your children.
6. Use boundaries like armour
Boundaries are self-protection. Decide what you will and won’t tolerate, and stick to it. If they start yelling, you end the call. If they turn up late repeatedly, you adjust your plans so it impacts you less. Boundaries protect your peace.
7. Don’t take the bait
Jerks often know exactly how to push your buttons. When they throw a passive-aggressive comment your way, resist the urge to clap back. Silence can be more powerful than the perfect comeback, and it denies them the satisfaction of seeing you rattled.
8. Take care of yourself first
It’s hard to stay calm and collected if you’re running on fumes. Make self-care a priority so you’re in the best headspace possible when you have to deal with them. This isn’t selfish, it’s survival.
9. Have a support system
Sometimes you just need to vent to someone who gets it. Whether it’s a friend, therapist, or supportive online group, having a place to let it out means you’re less likely to unload on your ex (which never goes well).
10. Remember why you’re doing this
You’re not trying to win “Ex of the Year.” You’re trying to raise healthy, happy kids in the best environment possible. Keep your eyes on that bigger picture, and it’s easier to let the petty stuff slide.
Bottom line: Getting along with a jerk of an ex isn’t about becoming best friends. It’s not about getting them to like you. And it’s not about making things right. It’s about creating enough stability and peace to make life easier for you and your kids.
You don’t have to like them. You just have to outgrow the drama. And sometimes, they are incapable.
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
Know someone who needs to read this? Share it with them via the links below.