Having Sebastian this year really brought me back to what life was like when my daughter was the same age. Her dad and I had split up when she was a newborn and having an infant again, this time as a partner, was a HUGE point of reflection for me.
It really got me thinking… what would I say to that version of myself, knowing what I know now? What would I do differently if I could go back?
Here are five things I’d do differently if I was a single mum at the beginning again.
1. Not worry so much about what people think
When I first became a single mum, I felt like everyone was looking at me and silently judging. Was I doing it “right”? Was I enough? Did they think I’d failed? Now, with hindsight, I can see that most people were just getting on with their own lives (and their own challenges). And those who were judging? Well, their opinions didn’t deserve space in my head. I wish I’d been able to release that pressure sooner and parent in a way that felt right for us, not to meet anyone else’s expectations.
2. Not put her dad on a pedestal
In those early years, I gave her dad far too much credit and importance in my mind. I thought I had to make up for the fact that we weren’t together, or constantly make excuses for his absence. Looking back, I can see I was overcompensating. My daughter didn’t need an idealised version of her dad – she just needed love, consistency, and truth, in age-appropriate doses. And I was already giving her that.
3. Gotten coaching
I honestly believe coaching could have saved me years of struggle, self-doubt, and trial-and-error. Having someone in my corner to help me navigate the emotions, decisions, and practicalities of single mum life would have made such a difference. I tried to figure it all out on my own, but I see now how much faster I could have found my footing with the right support.
4. Started dating earlier and invested in relationships
Back then, I avoided dating for a long time because I thought it was “too hard” and even “selfish” as a mum. I didn’t realise that building a life outside of motherhood – and investing time in romantic relationships – wasn’t taking away from my daughter, it was enriching our lives. I wish I’d given myself permission to explore that part of life sooner. Whilst I am very happy with where my life is now, I often imagine what it would be like to have found my (now) husband sooner!
5. Invested more time in self-growth and self-care
I put myself last for years, believing that was what a “good mum” did. Or making the excuse that i didn’t have the time or the money. But I see now that the times I’ve been happiest and most present as a mother were the times I was also taking care of me – reading books that inspired me, joining courses, exercising, even just enjoying a quiet cup of tea without guilt. Self-growth and self-care aren’t luxuries – they’re essential for thriving, especially as a single parent.
If you’re at the start of your single mum journey, please know this: you don’t have to get it perfect. You will grow, you will make mistakes, and you will also make more beautiful memories than you can imagine.
And in case no one has told you lately – you’re already doing better than you think 💛
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
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