After a divorce or separation, it’s not uncommon to feel a profound sense of loneliness. The quiet moments that once felt comforting can suddenly feel heavy and unsettling. Yet, not all alone time is created equal. There’s a world of difference between loneliness and solitude, and learning to embrace the latter can be a transformative experience.
In this post, we’ll explore the key distinctions between loneliness and alone time and share strategies for turning solitude into a source of strength, healing, and empowerment. I hope to help you feel happy in solitude and to deal with that loneliness.
Loneliness vs. Alone Time: What’s the Difference?
Loneliness
Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected or isolated, even when you’re surrounded by people. It’s marked by a sense of longing – whether for companionship, understanding, or support. For many single mums, loneliness can be tied to a loss of identity, a shift in routines, or the absence of a partner to share life’s moments with.
Signs of loneliness:
- A feeling of emptiness or sadness when you’re alone.
- Longing for deeper connections or meaningful interactions.
- Negative self-talk or feelings of worthlessness.
Alone Time
Alone time, on the other hand, is the intentional act of being with yourself. It’s not about isolation; it’s about creating space for reflection, creativity, and self-care. When embraced, solitude can be deeply nourishing, helping you reconnect with your inner strength and values.
Signs of healthy alone time:
- Feeling refreshed and recharged after being alone.
- Using time alone for hobbies, self-reflection, or relaxation.
- A sense of independence and self-assurance.
Why Embracing Solitude Matters
Being a single parent can be incredibly isolating. Not only are we physically isolated from society. Sometimes it’s hard being the only adult when you have a child or children around you. But it can also be really emotionally isolating because you don’t have anyone to talk about things with. There is no one to make decisions with, celebrate milestones with, or debrief over a hard day with.
For single mums navigating life post-divorce, alone time can be a powerful tool for personal growth. It allows you to:
- Reconnect with your identity outside of marriage and parenting.
- Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions and needs.
- Foster creativity, self-awareness, and resilience.
By learning to differentiate loneliness from solitude, you can shift your perspective and find strength in moments of quiet.
How to Turn Solitude Into a Source of Strength
1. Reframe Your Alone Time
Instead of seeing alone time as a void, view it as an opportunity. Ask yourself:
- What activities bring me joy or peace?
- How can I use this time to nurture myself?
Engage in hobbies, journaling, or mindfulness practices to make your time alone fulfilling.
Ask yourself:
- What am I doing in my life?
- What habits do I have?
- What rituals do I have?
- What am I doing right now, that is keeping me more isolated than I want to be?
Because when you know the answers to those, you can start making changes.
2. Create a Routine for Solitude
Set aside regular time to be alone, even if it’s just 10-15 minutes a day. Use this time to:
- Meditate or practice deep breathing.
- Read a book or listen to music.
- Reflect on your goals and dreams.
Consistency helps normalise alone time as a positive habit.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Loneliness often brings up feelings of self-doubt or inadequacy. Counteract this by:
- Speaking kindly to yourself.
- Writing down affirmations like, “I am enough” or “I am at peace in my own company.”
- Acknowledging that it’s okay to feel lonely—it’s part of being human.
4. Set Boundaries Around Social Media
Scrolling through social media can amplify feelings of loneliness by triggering comparisons. Limit your time online and focus on genuine, in-person connections instead.
5. Balance Solitude with Connection
While alone time is essential, balance is key. Reach out to friends, family, or a supportive community like Thrive Tribe to maintain meaningful relationships. Remember, it’s okay to ask for support when you need it.
Ask yourself: What friendships and relationships can I develop? Think about people in your life that maybe you can put a little bit more effort into and nurture a friendship.
6. Rediscover Your Passions
Use solitude as an opportunity to revisit activities you love or try something new. Whether it’s painting, hiking, or cooking, immersing yourself in a passion can turn alone time into a joyful experience.
Try going outdoors to connect with nature. I feel less lonely when I feel connected to the world. And for me, that is being by the ocean. So if I ever do feel lonely, it’s probably because I’m feeling a bit low, and I might be having some negative thoughts. So, I’ll take myself to the ocean, go for a walk and look at the ocean. It is food for my soul. Just being around nature is really really good for tackling those lonely feelings. So maybe for you it’s going for a bushwalk or maybe it’s scuba diving. Or it may be spending time in the garden…
Get to know yourself, and be your own best friend. Do activities that make you happy. Who do you want to spend time with? What relationships do you want to nurture?
7. Help Others
When you’re lonely, there’s a lot of focus on you, on how you’re struggling or how things are hard for you. But if you try to shift your focus on doing something for somebody else, that can be really empowering, and it can make you feel really close to the people around you.
It might be something like helping out in a shelter. Or it might be volunteering at your kid’s school. Being part of something that is going to help people can be really empowering and can make you feel connected to people around you.
8. Watch your Words
Try to stop telling yourself that you’re lonely. Lonely is a feeling. It’s not a fact. Acknowledge it – tell yourself that yes, you may feel lonely. But it’s temporary. Loneliness doesn’t last forever. Ask yourself why you’re feeling lonely in that moment. Was there a trigger? Was there some negative message that you’re telling yourself, figure out what is the source?
Feelings come as a result of thoughts. When you understand this, you’ll be empowered because you can actually do something about your loneliness. When you start thinking about something that makes you feel lonely, start thinking about it differently or challenge yourself with your thinking so that you think about it more positively. What can you do to make yourself feel better? How can you be a better friend to yourself? You’ve got to be your own best friend. What would you say to your best friend, if they were feeling low? Tell yourself that.
Embracing Solitude Is a Journey
There’s a really big difference between being happy in solitude (and being alone in your own company) and feeling lonely. Learning to embrace solitude doesn’t happen overnight, especially if loneliness has been a constant companion. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this transition. Each step you take – whether it’s setting boundaries, practising self-compassion, or finding joy in a new hobby – brings you closer to a place of peace and empowerment.
We all have dips where we feel happy one day and lonely the next day. But if you are feeling consistently low, lonely, and alone, please consider speaking to someone because you don’t have to go through that by yourself.
Remember: Alone time isn’t about being isolated; it’s about reconnecting with yourself. And in those quiet moments, you’ll find the strength and clarity to not just survive but thrive.
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
Know someone who needs to read this? Share it with them via the links below.