A common question I hear is: “After being separated or divorced, do I need to get into a relationship?”
The short answer? Absolutely not! There’s no rulebook saying you must. This is your life, and there’s no reason to do something just because others expect it.
Often, family and friends push us to “move on” by finding someone new. They mean well, but there’s a dangerous misconception buried in this idea: that you can only be truly happy if you’re with someone.
Spoiler alert: That’s not true. You can be perfectly happy on your own.
The Pressure to Move On
When women go through a separation or divorce, they often fall into one of two categories:
- The “Band-Aid Relationship Seekers”
These are the women who quickly dive into a new relationship to ease the pain or fill the void. Unfortunately, many of these relationships don’t work out because they’re built on a shaky foundation of unresolved feelings. - The Fearful Avoiders
These women are afraid of getting hurt again and shy away from relationships altogether. They don’t want to risk facing the heartbreak or disappointment they’ve experienced before.
But here’s an alternative: Be different.
Now that you’re single, you have a golden opportunity to focus on yourself. Use this time for personal growth and self-discovery. This is where real empowerment begins.
Why Flying Solo Can Be Empowering
Sure, being in a relationship has its perks. It’s nice to have someone to lean on and share life’s burdens. But being single forces you to dig deep and find your own solutions – and that’s where the magic happens.
When you rely on yourself, you unlock an incredible sense of independence and resilience. It’s empowering to realise you’re capable of building a life you love on your own terms.
So if you’ve been single for a while, know this: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Is Dating Even Worth It?
Another big question I get is: “Is it even worth dating again?”
Here’s the truth: It depends on your mindset.
Dating can be daunting, and to be honest – sometimes a sucky experience. Especially if you’ve been out of the game for a while or had negative experiences in the past. It’s easy to slip into a pattern of automatic negative thoughts – things like, “What if I get hurt again?” or “What’s the point?”
But here’s the thing: Your mindset shapes your reality. Ask yourself some deeper questions:
- What does my ideal future look like?
- Am I okay with that future not including a partner?
- Am I avoiding dating because of fear, or am I genuinely content on my own?
If your future looks fine without a partner, that’s perfectly valid! But if you’re open to the possibility of love, it’s important to be mindful of your thoughts. Negative patterns can hold you back, but you have the power to break them.
When You’re Not Ready – And When You Are
It’s okay if you’re not ready to date. Truly. Recognising this is a sign of self-awareness, and there’s no rush to put yourself out there before you’re ready.
But here’s a gentle reminder: Don’t let fear hold you back forever. You deserve love and connection.
If you’re ready to date, be strategic about it. Go on dates with people who align with what you’re looking for. For instance, if you want a committed relationship, avoid wasting time with those who aren’t on the same page.
And don’t forget to make practical preparations! Have a reliable babysitter on hand, so you’re not scrambling at the last minute when an opportunity arises.
The Bottom Line
Whether or not you choose to date after separation is entirely up to you. There’s no right or wrong answer – only what feels right for you.
If you’re ready to embrace the dating world, go for it with an open heart and a clear mind. If you’re not, take this time to focus on yourself, your growth, and building a life you love.
Remember: You don’t need a partner to complete you. You are whole and worthy just as you are. Slay queen (as my daughter would say)!!
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
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