Christmas can be one of the most magical times of the year. However, if you’re co-parenting, it can also be one of the most stressful experiences. Between navigating shared custody, organising holiday handovers, and managing your own emotions, it can feel like a pressure cooker waiting to explode.
If this is your first Christmas as a single mum, or even if you’ve been doing it for years, know this: you’re not alone. Many mums feel the weight of wanting to “make it perfect” for their kids while also dealing with the reality of negotiating with an ex who may not make things easy.
Here are six practical ways to cope and even find peace during the holiday season.
1. Create a Clear Holiday Plan (and Stick to It)
One of the biggest stressors at Christmas is uncertainty. Who has the kids and when? Where are handovers happening? What about Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day?
Try to finalise your holiday custody schedule as early as possible. If it’s written into your parenting agreement, stick to it. If not, get things in writing (even if it’s just in an email or text message). Clarity is your best friend here. It avoids last-minute battles and gives your kids a sense of stability.
2. Keep the Focus on Your Kids
It’s easy to get caught up in what you might be missing out on, like not waking up with your kids on Christmas morning. That pain is real, and it’s okay to feel it. But whenever possible, shift the focus back to your children. What matters most is that they feel loved, safe, and able to enjoy the season without being caught in the middle of conflict.
Remember: kids don’t care if Christmas happens on the 25th or the 27th; they just care about celebrating with you.
3. Make Handovers Peaceful
Holiday handovers can be especially charged with emotion. Your kids might be excited, anxious, or even torn about leaving one parent for the other. And if your ex tends to be difficult, the tension can double.
Do what you can to keep the exchange neutral:
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Keep conversations brief and polite.
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If needed, choose a public spot for the handover.
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Remind your kids it’s okay to enjoy time with both parents.
Your calm presence will set the tone, even if your ex doesn’t match it.
4. Expect Emotional Triggers (and Have a Plan)
Christmas often stirs up old memories and grief. You may find yourself missing traditions from when your family was intact, or feeling hurt when your ex spends time with your kids in a way that brings up guilt or resentment.
Instead of trying to avoid these feelings, plan for them:
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Give yourself space to cry if you need to.
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Journal or talk with a trusted friend.
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Create new traditions with your kids that are just yours.
It’s okay if your Christmas looks different now – different doesn’t mean worse!!
5. Choose Peace Over Winning
It can be tempting to get caught in a tug-of-war with your ex about schedules, gifts, or who gets the “better” holiday time. But fighting rarely serves you or your kids.
Sometimes, letting go of being “right” is the best gift you can give yourself. You don’t have to like your ex or agree with them, but you can choose not to let their behaviour dictate your peace.
6. Don’t Forget About You
Amid all the logistics and emotions, remember to care for yourself. The holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness and exhaustion. Especially when you’re trying to hold it all together for your kids.
Give yourself something to look forward to, too. Book in a Christmas brunch with friends, watch your favourite movie after the kids go to bed, or take yourself on a Boxing Day walk. Recharging your own energy matters just as much as making the season magical for your little ones.
Co-parenting at Christmas isn’t easy, but it is survivable (and even enjoyable) when you plan ahead, manage your expectations, and put your kids’ well-being first. Remember, it’s not about the date on the calendar, it’s about the love and connection you share with your children.
And most importantly, give yourself grace. You don’t have to create a “perfect” Christmas. You just have to show up with love. That’s more than enough!
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
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