In the last week alone I have been questioned twice about my single mum status: how can you write about single mother issues when you can’t even call yourself that? And My life is harder because I have my kids ALL the time, and you get child free time.
So what is a single mum?
The What is a single mum? debate is not new in the single mum world. I’m not kidding when I say some people take this topic VERY seriously.
I run a couple of Facebook groups for single mums, and it is a time-consuming task. Ninety percent of the time it’s amazing and everyone is supportive of one another. But being a single mum is an emotive topic, and people have strong opinions about it. People clashing with each other has been an issue over the last four years. And often I get caught in the crossfire.
On top of that, when someone starts dating I sometimes receive requests to remove that person from the group, because they’re not a single mum anymore.
It’s almost like a competition. And it’s not even limited to Facebook. This occurs regularly in other areas. What is unfortunate about the whole thing is that the competition to me seems like it’s about who is the worst off….
They only have their kids half of the time! They’re not even a single mum.
Their ex has the kids five days a fortnight? Wow, that’s lucky; mine only has them one night a fortnight. I am so much more exhausted than them.
I have my kids 100% of the time. Life is hardest on me.
What is a single mum?
I really believe that it’s quite an individual opinion. My opinion, for what it’s worth, is that if you’re separated from your child(ren)’s father, you’re a single mum. No matter how often you have your children.
There’s no doubt that mothers who have their children 100% of the time are probably more tired, but there are other factors to take into consideration.
My daughter’s dad lives a five-hour flight away. She sees him approximately once every two months. So yes, I am very lucky that I get to rejuvenate in that time. But it comes with other challenges. I miss my daughter like crazy. It is no exaggeration when I say that it physically hurts my heart every time she is away. I’m worried and I’m anxious when she’s with her dad. And I also have to deal with being called a c*nt by my charming ex.
Why are we competing for who has it tougher? And Does it really matter?
Personally, I don’t really understand the competition.
In the past when I have dated someone, I still considered myself a single mother. The two more serious boyfriends that I have had since becoming a single mum did not live with me. They did not make decisions for my daughter. They had no responsibility for my daughter. And they did not financially provide for my daughter, nor would I have allowed them to.
Perhaps if I get married someday, or even live with someone, I will say that I am no longer a single mother, but I do believe that there will always be an element of the single mother within me.
Today is International Women’s Day. I believe in the sisterhood. And although these debates are common, they are not the norm. Generally, I think we have each other’s backs. Let’s continue to do that. To rise together, to support each other, to grow together, to celebrate each other. Let’s lift each other up.
P.S DID YOU KNOW?
You can also book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are a good fit to work together.
Know someone who needs to read this? Share it with them via the links below.