To divorce or not to divorce? That is the question.

As a divorce coach, January is my busiest time of year. It comes off the back end of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve which often brings a lot to the surface. Family conflict, unmet expectations, reassing life and wants and needs, unmet goals… the list goes on. However, deciding to pursue a divorce is undoubtedly one of the most significant and challenging choices a woman may face in her life. In my opinion, it’s one of the hardest decisions a woman will ever make. And it’s often made at their lowest point possible. The journey to this decision is complex, often marked by a range of emotions, considerations, and uncertainties.

Coming to a decision point is natural in a lot of relationships. Your options might include changing your expectations of the relationship or your partner, creating a new relationship that works for both parties, or separating/divorcing. This blog post aims to help women navigate this decision-making process by providing a step-by-step guide, self-reflection exercises, and resources to help make informed decisions about divorce.

Step 1: Self-reflection

A. Understand your emotions

Begin by acknowledging and understanding your emotions. Reflect on what you’re feeling and why. Are there recurring issues or patterns in your relationship that are causing distress? Journaling or speaking with a trusted friend can help gain clarity.

B. Assess personal values and goals

Consider your values and long-term goals. How well do these align with your current situation? Evaluating your aspirations and what you want for yourself and your family can provide a foundation for decision-making.

Step 2: Seek a professional support team

A. Consult with a therapist

Engage with a licensed therapist or counselor experienced in relationship dynamics. Professional guidance can offer insights into your emotional well-being, help identify patterns, and provide support as you navigate the decision-making process.

B. Legal consultation

Schedule a consultation with a family lawyer to understand the legal implications of divorce. Knowledge of your rights, potential financial considerations, and parenting issues is crucial for making informed decisions.

C. Get clarity with a coach

A certified divorce coach is a great asset to have on your team. They can help you with so many things. As a divorce coach myself, I work with mums who are feeling overwhelmed by the emotional part of a potential divorce and help them manage those big feelings and work out what it is they want moving forward through intention, knowledge, and strategy so they are prepared to make decisions that will affect the rest of their lives, as well as their children’s lives.

If the decision is then made to divorce, a coach can help even further and hold your hand as you go through the process. I also help those who are experiencing conflict in co-parenting to protect themselves through effective communication strategies and boundaries so they are prepared to enter mediation as their best selves from an interest-based solution-focused perspective and improve the chances of a successful outcome.

Working with a divorce coach can help you save money through the divorce process, bust through financial fears, make hard decisions that you feel good about, reduce conflict, and reach a better outcome for everyone. It’s all about setting yourself up for success through intention, knowledge, and strategy so you are confident and prepared.

Step 3: Evaluate relationship dynamics

A. Reflect on communication between you and your partner or spouse

Assess the communication dynamics in your relationship. Ask yourself…

Are there ongoing challenges in effectively communicating with your partner?
How is the communication between the two of you?
How is listening between the two of you?
What is the level of respect expressed in daily conversation?
How do you deal with your spouse’s criticism or upset?
How much do you hear when the other speaks?
How do you ask questions or acknowledge what they said, especially if it is something you disagree with?
How are you enabled to speak from your perspective, express what you need and want, and explore your fears, hopes, and dreams?

Understanding these patterns can shed light on the overall health of the relationship.

B. Consider your relationship patterns

Reflect on recurring patterns or issues within the relationship. Ask yourself…

What is your emotional experience of your interactions with each other?
What is your view of the world seen through the lens of your relationship?
What is missing that brings you to this point?
What do you focus on – the past or the present?
What resentments do you hold onto from the past?
Are these patterns detrimental to your well-being and personal growth?

Recognizing these dynamics can be pivotal in the decision-making process.

Step 4: Consider the impacts of parting ways

There are many areas of impact to consider when parting ways. They can be positive or negative. Some of the main areas to look at are family, children, friends, mental and physical health, community, and finances. It’s important to examine each of these areas and see what outcomes of parting ways would have in these areas. For finances, for example, evaluate your financial independence and stability. Understanding your financial situation is crucial for planning the practical aspects of divorce. Consider creating a budget and exploring ways to secure your financial future. You may also want to seek advice from a financial advisor to develop a clear picture of your financial standing. This professional can assist in crafting a strategy for financial independence post-divorce, if you choose to go that way.

The more informed you are on the areas of impact, the more empowered you are to make a decision.

Step 5: Build a support team

Cultivate a strong support system that includes friends, family, and potentially a support group, like Thrive Tribe. Having a network to lean on during this process can provide emotional strength and guidance.

Choosing to pursue a divorce is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration, self-reflection, and support. By following this step-by-step guide, engaging in thoughtful self-reflection, seeking professional advice, and building a support system, you can gain knowledge, clarity, and support to empower yourself to make informed decisions aligned with your values and aspirations.

Remember, this process is about reclaiming agency over your life and shaping a future that aligns with your well-being and happiness. You deserve a journey that is guided by strength, resilience, and a commitment to your growth and fulfillment.

I have many women who contact me at this time of year and I have a coaching package available to help women through this decision-making process so they can come out of the other side with clarity, power, and knowledge. Please contact me if you need me. You are not alone.

P.S. DID YOU KNOW?

Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again for enrolment very soon! Join the waitlist here.